are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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