Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize