If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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