I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
worst night to have a conscience
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It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
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You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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