I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize