the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
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What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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