Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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