Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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