dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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