everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize