He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
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We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize