i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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