she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
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I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
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every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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