you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize