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Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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