Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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