some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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