Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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