I faked an abortion last night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
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I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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