i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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