If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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