I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize