Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
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The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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