you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize