I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
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I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
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Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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