Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize