woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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