So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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