Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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