sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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