he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
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You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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