I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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