did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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