I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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