The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
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I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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