I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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