no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i will never coherently bang her
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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