I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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