everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize