I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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