Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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