Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize