You're completely useless in the revolution.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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