i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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