A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
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It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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