totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize