Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize