How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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