we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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