im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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