We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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