Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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